Femme 2 Femme

Getting up close and personal - Friendship and closeness in modern Britain

2011-07-25T17:30:00.004+01:00

There has been a lot said in the media over the last few weeks about how so many of is have hundreds of friend on Facebook yet no-one to talk to face to face or share a coffee with. It seems that a lot of adults, especially women, are increasingly developing transient friendships that fit our particular life stage, be it colleagues, other women in an antenatal class, play-ground mums. A lot of these friendships grow as we journey through life together but a lot are left behind. I know that, as a mum of a sick child who spent a lot of time in hospital, it was very hard to maintain friendships in a society that seems to move so fast and I ended up feeling closer to the other mums and nurses in the hospital, who knew what I was going through, rather than those I'd know for a long time but who just didn't know how to react to such an alien situation. When William had a transplant and was well again it was a huge adjustment to live 'in the real world' again and I felt, although I have some fantastic friends, I also had to start again to make friends in the area I'd moved to just before he became so ill.

The British culture is one where we so often move cities as our work re-locates or we seek to develop our careers. This also brings about a need to make new friends. Research has shown we are healthier, both physically and psychologically, when we feel we have sufficient close friends.

NIVEA are marking their 100th birthday with a celebration of closeness in modern Britain and, in acknowledgement that most of us feel this is something we could do with more of in our lives, NIVEA have asked psychologist, Professor Geoff Beattie (who, incidentally, was my social psychology lecturer in Sheffield when I was an undergrad) to conduct some research into closeness in today's Britain and come up with some advice for people wanting to make new friends in their adulthood. With reports that many of us feel lonely at times, it is comforting to know that it is never too late to make close and lifelong friendships.

Professor Beattie's research concluded that the best way to make new friendships as an adult is to:

1. Develop instant rapport

Research has shown that mirroring another's behaviour helps establish instant report.You don't need to copy them but if they reach for the menu at a cafe you could reach for your glass or coffee or if they scratch their face you could push back your hair.

2. Never say 'nice'

I remember being told by an English teacher when I was a small child never to use the word 'nice' in my writing and it seems that this rule goes deeper than just making writing more interesting. Professor Beattie found that the word 'nice' in a compliment lacks warmth. Saying something like, 'Oh, that hair cut suits you really well, where did you have it done?" in place of "Your hair is really nice" sounds a lot more personal and genuine.

3. Share a secret

Revealing something about yourself that most people don't know is one of the key components of friendship and essential in making and strengthening bonds with a new friend. It doesn't have to be a big thing at first. Confiding that you felt really upset because the day started with an argument with your teenage daughter would be enough.

4. Pay attention

It's important to make your new friend see that you are paying her or him as much attention as you are to yourself in early conversations. Make sure you give your friend as much time to talk about herself as you are about you and that you reply to her and show you are engaging with appropriate non-verbal communication, such as nodding and smiling in the right places

5. Get touchy

Finally, Professor Beattie's research showed that getting up close and personal is important in establishing friendships. I'm a huggy person and would have a brief hug with someone equally so after getting to know each other over a meal, coffee or at a party but that's not for everyone. Even a light touch on the shoulder or arm is enough.

You can join in NIVEA's celebrations and be in with the chance of winning one of 100 prizes each worth £100, by joining their million moments of closeness. All you have to do is upload a photo of your moments of closeness with any friend, child or family member here or look out for NIVEA roadshows where you can take photos with your friends and loved one in a booth and have it instantly uploaded. Every day, Professor Beattie will chose a photo on the NIVEA Facebook page to win one of the £100 prizes.

What do you think about closeness in 21st century Britain? Do you have enough close friends? Is it enough to chat and write on walls on facebook or tweet or do you miss the closeness of a telephone call or chat over a coffee? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

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Speak now..against child brides

2011-05-09T13:13:00.005+01:00

UNICEF have a really powerful multi media campaign at the moment. It's so powerful, I don't really thing I need to say anymore today other than their message;

"If you know of any reason why a 12yr old girl & a 46yr old man should not be joined in matrimony, speak now."

You can speak now by visiting their website or by joining their Facebook campaign here please do, before it's too late and you forever have to hold your peace!

Image taken from the UNICEF Facebook page.

Can't be bothered to vote?

2011-05-05T11:55:00.003+01:00

Femme 2 Femme is back after a short break. Please do visit regularly again as I have lots to talk about.

Today, the UK is voting about a change to the voting system that we use to choose our government. I can't say that I completely understand how the alternative system (AV) will work and, on this somewhat cold and gloomy day, I was wondering whether I might be better off staying firmly put at my desk next to a radiator (yes it's on in May, it's that cold!) and not bother to vote at all. That was until I read this.

Saudi women are among those women afforded the very lowest of human rights. They are not permitted to drive on the roads, they have very little say in issues surrounding marriage and divorce and can not travel unless a male guardian gives them written permission to do so! The Saudi government had said they would at least give the women in their country permission to vote but have since gone back on their word.

I read the article, I blogged about it and I'm now about to put my coat on and get out to my polling station...it's only down the road and I'll be able to just walk in and vote. Many women can't vote in their countries. Others can but face long walks and long, often hostile and dangerous queues to do so. I'd be dealing those sisters of mine a huge insult to throw my polling card away unused at the end of today!

Sex trafficking experts, POPPY, lose their funding to the Salvation Army

2011-04-12T21:48:00.005+01:00

I wrote a feature for this month's (May) edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine (UK) about an amazing woman, Oxana Kalemi, and her horrific experience of being trafficked across Europe and into the UK and forced to work as a prostitute. I'm really pleased with the piece and I do urge you to read it. The focus of the feature is the impact of sporting events, such as the 2012 Olympics, and how it is likely that the UK will see sharp rises in human trafficking over the coming months. I was going to talk about the link between the London Games and trafficking today and will come back to this. Today, I want to talk about some news about a Government decision I received this morning which has shocked and saddened me more than anything else this Government has done to date. I've mentioned before the inspirational charity, Eaves whom I work closely with and their POPPY team who are dedicated to providing the very best support possible for trafficked women in the UK. The POPPY team pioneered services for these women and, since 2003, have been providing safe housing, health, legal and psychological help and helping women plan a safe future, either when returning to their home countries or in seeking asylum in the UK. POPPY have helped over 600 women and have earned a reputation as a group of professional, dedicated workers who are the countries leading experts in the social, legal, physiological and psychological impact of being forced into the UK and sold as a sex slave. I have spoken to many people in the Home Office and police forces who speak highly of POPPY and the knowledge the team have. It seems absolutely crazy to me that, yesterday, POPPY were told they have lost the tender to deliver their services and their government funding has been removed. It really makes no sense! The team have a unique set of skills, experiences and knowledge and all that will be thrown away. You can read the full story and POPPY's response here.

Eaves are calling the decision an "ideological" one. Abigal Stepnitz, POPPY manager has calculated that the bid represents a 60% decrease in funding for each individual, meaning that the very basics only will be provided for them. Gone will be the holistic and ongoing care POPPY provides. I spoke with Abigail when I was writing the Cosmopolitan piece and she told me that the new bid was all about providing the minimum care the Government could get away with to meet EU requirements. POPPY do not share that ideology. To them, the best care for an individual who has been through one of the most traumatic experiences a human can live through is the only way to look after these women. The Salvation Army have won the new bid and will take over the work POPPY have done so successfully. They won't be delivering the care themselves, instead they will be the gatekeepers of the funds and will subcontract elements of care. To me, this suggests looking for the cheapest options and creating a very piecemeal and disjointed portfolio of care for each woman. I'm bitterly disappointed with this decision and heart broken for the wonderful team of women who currently work for POPPY. I hope their talents will not be wasted.

Diarrhoea - the leading cause of sickness and death among children in the developing world

2011-04-07T10:01:00.004+01:00

I'm sorry to have neglected this blog for a few days. I've been a bit distracted this week as my son was having intermittent diarrhoea symptoms, a worrying situation as he is a small bowel transplant recipient. He's absolutely fine, it's just something his bowel seems to do from time to time and all of the bouts he's had this week have been isolated incidents that he has quickly recovered from without losing too much fluid and becoming severely unwell. Last summer, we weren't so lucky. William had a rotavirus infection - something that he should have got over in a few days. However, with a delicate bowel and being immunosuppressed, William ended up in hospital for 8 weeks.

In the developed Western world, diarrhoea among children is something that can be unpleasant but is usually involves nothing more than nursing a lethargic child on the sofa and making sure they drink plenty. We take for granted that it will be over quickly, leaving nothing more than a pile of smelly washing. For children like William who have underlying medical conditions, it can be a lot more concerning but, within hours, a sick child can be in hospital on intravenous fluids and their life is rarely in danger.

I wonder how many mums like me have any idea that diarrhoea - a simple tummy bug - is the leading cause of sickness and death among children in the developing world. 6000 children die of diarrhoea every day! That is staggering!! They get sick because the only water they have is dirty and infected and when they become ill they can't get the replacement fluids and salt they need. It's that simple and very preventable! I've decided today that every time I'm worried about William I'm going to help a mum who is worried at the same moment but her worry is accompanied by helplessness, terror and the agonising knowledge that she is about to watch her child die and has nothing or anyone to turn to for help. We've all heard of swear boxes. I'm going to start a worry box and put a pound in every time I worry about William's poo! This will then go to a charity who provides medical care for children with diarrhoea. I'm off now to research and choose which one. Anyone have any suggestions?

Life in the mountains - health risks for women in Nepal

2011-03-29T13:14:00.003+01:00

Last week, I visited the Methodist Relief and Development Fund (MRDF) to hear about the fantastic work they are doing with women in Asia, Africa and South America. As always, I was told about things I had no idea where happening. We spent a lot of time talking about how life is for women in Nepal, women who are among the least respected in the world.

Life is very hard from women in Nepal. They have to work hard in rough terrains and have very limited access to health education and care. Most women smoke, many continue to do so despite having severe chronic obstructive airway diseases. Women continue manual work throughout their pregnancy, and immediately after their child is born and often suffer from malnutrition. All of this has a huge impact on their health. 600 000 women in Nepal experience a vaginal prolapse, in which their internal organs fall through the opening in their vagina. Of those 600 000 women, 200 000 have the condition so severe that they need urgent surgical treatment, treatment few have access to. These women live a life of pain and indignity. Passing urine is a struggle, they are unable to lift heavy loads and so are unable to work and earn for their families, they struggle to squat to make their pots, weave and cook, walking, standing, even sitting is painful and difficult for them. Carrying heavy loads on rough and steep terrain, especially during and immediately after pregnancy is a major cause of vaginal prolapse for women in Nepal, as is the posture they adopt to work and cook. This film shows what life is like for these women and contains some graphic images about the prolapses they so often suffer.

All of this could be prevented with health education and early treatment. MRDF are helping communities to educate their women. They also help women find alternatives to heavy work while they are pregnant and after they have had treatment for prolapses to prevent them from happening again. Many women have been suffering for years because they considered it too shameful to talk about, even with a doctor. MRDF are showing women that it is nothing to be ashamed of, that they don't deserve to be in pain and that they are worthy of treatment to make their lives easier again.

Severing lifelines one by one

2011-03-25T12:15:00.006Z

In the face of the poverty, violence and deprivation I hear about it often feels wrong for me to complain about what we have here in the UK. We are so very lucky. Even with the cuts we are facing and the impact they will have on our way of life, we have so very much more than people elsewhere in the world whose stories I write about and you can read about on this blog. That said, this feature in today's Guardian really saddens me.

Through the worst of William's illness, he was supported by a lovely charity called Post Pals who encourage people to write to children who are undergoing unpleasant treatments and spending a lot of time in hospital to cheer them up and spread smiles. The charity are currently inundated by requests to join and, as William is stable at the moment and not spending too much time in hospital, on Monday, we were asked to move on so other children can receive William's share of the post. William just happened to receive a lovely present and some letters on Monday and, as he was showing me, I had to explain that these would be the last. I was quite shocked by his reaction:

"Don't tell me David Cameron has cut Post Pals!"

I shouldn't have been so surprised. This is a natural reaction from a boy who, in the last few weeks, has been told his Saturday play club has been cut, his holiday play schemes are cancelled, the activities at the Sure Start centre are cut... Every week we go to a trampolining club for children with special needs and every week William asks if it will be cut. William is just six years old and is upset and worried about the direct impact he can see the government cuts having on his life. This coming from a government who promised before the election that they wouldn't make cuts to the lives of disabled children and their families! As the Guardian piece points out, they may not (yet!) be making direct cuts to the benefits we receive for these children but they are forcing activities and clubs that make their lives that so much easier to close.

It isn't easy being the mum of a disabled child. You can't commit to full time work and life is a lot more expensive when you have to adapt everything around your child's needs. Cutting holiday clubs is a disaster. I'm lucky and work from home but, even so, those days when William was at the scheme were precious. I could either take his sisters out to do things that are impossible with wheelchairs and feeds or I we all had a quiet day and I could focus on work. I can work around William but that means either letting him watch his Thomas the Tank Engine DVDs for hours on end, which isn't good for him or it means working late into the night after the children go to bed, which isn't good for me. Other mums have it even harder. In the current employment situation, when there is so much competition for jobs, who is going to want to keep on someone who has to take several weeks off each school holiday? You can't just send a child to a normal child minder or holiday club when they have special needs that staff are not trained for. I fear that mums like me will be forced into giving up work to rely on benefits that will dissolve over the coming years. Their lifelines are being severed one by one.

The Guardian piece has a lot more examples of how the public sector cuts will ruin lives. It makes a sobering read. We are lucky in comparison to other countries but some of that luck is running out and some of the most vulnerable people in our society are becoming a lot more so.

A horrific decision to make

2011-03-22T21:28:00.003Z

Yesterday, I wrote about what I, and others on twitter, think feminism is in 2011. I wrote a lot about equality. All women who are mothers want one thing above all others - to have happy, healthy children. Children all over the world get sick and it would be fantastic if women all over the world had the right for their children to have the very best medical care when they do become unwell.

My son, William, has been faced with many life threatening situations and had a small bowel transplant in 2008. I wrote all about our journey in my original blog here. We've had some scary times but William has always had the very best medical care possible. Choices have had to be made but always on a clinical basis. On Friday, I was watching Comic Relief. There were some really powerful films about the people helped by the charity but one was so tragic it was painful to watch. I can't find a video but you can watch this film here on BBC I-player, starting at 39 minutes, 16 seconds (this will be available for four more days from today). In the film, you see a doctor in Uganda explaining that he has four sick children who all desperately need oxygen to survive but just one machine with three taps. He has to decide which child to "sacrifice" so the others can survive. What a decision to make! I can't begin to imagine how that mother would feel to be told that her precious child is going to die because they are unlucky enough that the child became sick at the same moment as three others and it's just not possible to save more than three at a time. I'll never stop seeing the grief on that doctors face when he's explaining what he is about to do. It's simply horrific. In Africa, 1 child in every 5 die before their fifth birthday. Most of these deaths are due to preventable illness, such as malaria where a child will die for the want of a mosquito net that costs £5. Many of these deaths are because there just are not the resources available to save them.

Another incredible powerful film from Comic Relief on Friday was this one, where the actor, David Tennant visits a hospital in Uganda, totally overwhelmed by children with malaria. You'd think he'd just walked into a major incident but this is what it is like there every single day. In Uganda, a mother loses their child to malaria every five minutes. I wish I could buy them all mosquito nets. I often find myself wishing there was more I could do to help the people I learn about when researching for my features and for this blog but I wish so much there was more I could do for the mothers in these films. Every £5 we donate can buy a mosquito net and save one child. Let's see how many of those £5s we can find.

The dirty 'f word'

2011-03-21T14:42:00.005Z

I've written many times on this blog about the power of women encouraging and mentoring each other. Among my most valued women are people who have taken the time to act as mentors in my own life and I enjoy taking the opportunity to do the same for others. Last week, I was at a 'how to get into magazines' evening Marie Claire Magazine were holding as part of their 'inspire and mentor' programme. Several editors and writers from the magazine talked about their roles and gave advice to an audience packed with school and college students who hope to follow in their foot steps. Most of the questions posed at the end of the presentations were those about specific nuggets of advice for the would be journalist but one girl asked the editor in chief, Trish Halpin, if she believed Marie Claire to be a feminist magazine. No doubt, this question was prompted by Trish's editorial letter in the current edition where she poses the question; Since when did feminism become such a dirty word? Trish refers the opinions expressed by Katie Hopkins on the BBC political debate show, Question Time, defending football commentators on the Sky Sports channel who made sexist comments about a female linesman while still on air.

Trish Halpin wonders if it is difficult for women living in the UK today to define what feminism means for us in a world where we have come so far towards equality with men. This got me thinking what I think feminism is today. I don't see that women do have equality with men. I spend most of my time reading and writing about some horrific examples of females who live lives dominated, often with violence by men, but even in my own life I don't think things are equal. I always ask myself the question, if two parents have a day where they both face a career make or breaking situation, such as an interview or a presentation, and their child is sick and can't go to school, who will be the one who has to stay at home? Annie Lennox and her charity, Equals, posed the question, "when will we really know men and women are equal" at their World Women's Day event and got some very interesting responses which you can read here.

I posed the question, "What do you think Feminism is in 2011?" on twitter this afternoon and got some very interesting answers.

@LisaBlackler said, for her, feminism is "the choice to be who you are, whether that is a CEO or a stay at home Mum.

@Bang2write said "feminism is not listening to those who say it's "all sorted out now" and we should pipe down and take the bee out of our bonnets."

@scriptdev said feminism in 2011 is "helping our daughters to look the world in the face and not just settle for the role of being looked at."

@rosieclaverton said it is "the right to chose my own destiny. To act without being the epitome of woman/a bad woman."

@spectraspeaks tweeted "my kind of feminism isn't just written or spoken but done."

I love the themes of women having a choice, to choose their own destinies without being judged and to inspire our daughters to stand up for themselves and not just settle for anything they are not happy with. All of this does demand action rather than just words.

I think, for me, feminism in 2011 is about choice, dignity and respect and standing in support and solidarity with women in the world who don't have the rights we enjoy to choose their destiny and gain respect from their communities. Once all the women in the world are able to enjoy a life filled with choice, dignity and respect I think we'll see a world with true equality but, as the stories I've shared on this blog so far illustrate, we are a long, long way off that. So, yes I am a feminist. At the Marie Claire event, Trish Halpin said that Marie Claire is a feminist magazine in the sense that it carries stories that tell of the plight women face all over the world and encourages readers to get involved in campaigns and take a stand against things such as violence towards women and in equality. This blog is feminist in the same way. Feminism isn't a dirty 'f word.' It is a movement that inspires and motivates women to be the very best they can, get the most out of life they can and help other women all over the world to do the same.

A couple of ways to help Japanese women

2011-03-17T13:25:00.004Z

I aim to write on this blog every day but followers will notice there's been a bit of a gap. I've been struggling with the dreaded shingles and, trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to read my feverish ramblings over the last week. Anyone who has had shingles will know how painful it is and how difficult it is to sleep. I'm not one for lying in silence and have been dosing in and out of sleep with 24 hour news channels on, watching the horrors of what is going on in Japan. It certainly put my own discomfort and worries into perspective.

My son, William, had a transplant and is immunosuppressed. He hasn't yet had chickenpox and could well catch the infection from my if I were to touch my spots absentmindedly before touching him. 'Spot watch' will go on for three weeks after all of mine have gone and is a scary time. I know that, should he get chickenpox, the minute I see a spot, I have a phone number to call and within hours he and I would be in a hospital cubicle for the life saving drugs he needed. I would be upsetting and frustrating but how lucky are we in the UK to have help at hand when we need it. There are so many countries I could compare this to but, right now, I can't stop thinking about women in Japan. Many will be looking for children, not knowing if they are still alive and lost somewhere or if they were swept away or crushed. If a child is ill or hurt, where do you turn for help in such chaos? I've seen women on the news, terrified about radiation and if it will harm their children. I can't begin to think how it must feel right now for a young girl heavily pregnant or just having given birth to their first child.

When you watch the images on TV, you feel totally overwhelmed and helpless. There are many organisations who are helping out in Japan and who you can donate to. I'm really impressed with how quickly a group authors came together to organise Authors for Japan over the weekend. There are all sorts of lots, including training and mentoring, signed books and even having characters named after you to bid for. All the money raised is being donated to the The British Red Cross Japan Tsunami Appeal I have bids on a few items and am really pleased to be able to do my bit to help in such a creative way. The White Ribbon Alliance for Safe Motherhood are appealing for money to help distribute the items new mothers need to look after their babies in areas devastated by the quake and tsunami. They also plan to offer psychological care to women who have undergone such immense stress. You can read more and find out how to donate here.

Foster families with a difference

2011-03-10T12:54:00.004Z

This is an exciting week for my family. Not only was it International Women's Day on Tuesday but it's Crufts week. If you read my other blog - Tantrums, Meltdowns and a Puppy you'll have already met Oliver and will know how central he is to our family, especially to William, my son whom Oliver is learning to support with his various special needs and challenges.

I can't imagine what it would be like if I was ever in a situation where I desperately needed to escape from domestic violence, only to find out that the refuges would not allow Oliver to come with us. That's the situation hundreds of women find themselves in and, sadly, their abuser often knows that only too well and uses the love they have for their pet in a game of psychological abuse and entrapment on top of physical and sometimes sexual violence. Research by the NSPCC has shown a link between domestic and animal abuse. Men who are violent to women may threaten to harm or even kill the family pet to intimidate their partner into submission.

On Tuesday, Oliver and I went to meet the Dogs Trust to learn about their role in the Freedom Project. The project supports women all over the country and the Dogs Trust run schemes in Greater London, Herfordshire and Yorkshire. The scheme enables a woman and her children to escape domestic violence by providing a foster parent for their dog while they are living in a refuge. Once the family are resettled, usually after around six months in the refuge, their dog comes home to them. While they are apart, the foster parent keeps the family up to date with newsletters and photos and the Dogs Trust stay in regular touch to make sure the dog is OK and everyone is happy in the foster home.

Since the project started in 2004, the Dogs Trust have helped over 800 pets find temporary homes and have reunited 751 of them with their families. Sadly, there are a lot more women and animals who need help. In 2010, the Trust received 355 referrals for fostering and were able to provided a home for 104 dogs and 36 cats (cats are passed onto the Cats Protection League.)

I so often blog about issues that, other than campaigning and fundraising, people feel so helpless to do anything about. What's so great about today's blog is that you can get fully involved. If you are a dog lover you could help the Dogs Trust become able to help more of the women and animals who are referred to them. The Trust need more foster parents. I heard how much this role can suit someone who loves dogs but can't commit to 12 years of caring for a dog of their own but could commit to six months. Some fosterers are single people, some couples and families and one foster family are a house of students who share out walking and playing with the dog and are all having a fantastic time. If you can help, or if you yourself need to escape a situation and are worried about your own pet, you can get in touch with the Dogs Trust through their website or on email to freedomproject@dogstrust.org.uk

Happy International Women's Day!!

2011-03-08T16:51:00.003Z

Happy International Women's Day and what a fantastic day it's been. Women all over the world have been celebrating the 100th anniversary of this very special day and standing in solidarity together. Many newspapers have carried special features, including The Guardian's list of 100 influential women I have seen some debate and discussion on twitter about the women included in this list. I guess some are more well loved than others but it made me think about what influential is. You don't have to agree with everything about someone for them to have been influential in a very positive way to women across the world. I can't say that I agree with many of Margaret Thatcher's politics or what she stood for but I have to admit, she was a powerful woman and paved the way for many others to follow her into believing that they could smash glass ceilings and get to the very top of her field. It would be nice to think that people like Margaret Thatcher created a world where women are now equal to men but that simply isn't the case. We all need to keep on fighting until the day comes when women get the same pay for equivalent work, the same opportunities, the same education, the same share of the world's wealth, the same right to live safely and not to be the victim of domestic violence. I was horrified to read in The Times today that Teresa May, the UK Home Secretary, is trying to water down an international agreement to protect women against domestic and sexual violence arguing that such violence is not a violation of human rights!!

The Convention on Preventing and Combating Violence Against Women and Domestic Violence currently uses the wording:

"Violence against women is understood as a violation of human rights." The British Government wants to change this to:

"Violence against women constitutes a serious obstacle for women's enjoyment of human rights." I am utterly speechless!!!!

I wonder what Nazziwa Annette would think about the idea that a life free of violence should not be viewed as a human right? I have enjoyed using this blog to take part of Action Aid's 'Get Lippy' campaign for International Women's Day. Through out blogs and tweets, 700 messages have been sent to women all over the world. The photos, courtesy of Action Aid, show Nazziwa and other women in Uganda receiving some of these messages and the video below shows how happy we have made them. I'm really proud to have helped put those smiles on their faces.

Join me..

2011-03-07T13:49:00.003Z

Join me tomorrow in celebrating 100 years of International Women's Day. Apart from a very interesting and fitting lunchtime meeting (more about that tomorrow), I hadn't decided what I would be doing tomorrow from the array of amazing options I have. I was thinking about it this morning when I read a tiny, yet powerful little news short in today's 'I' paper. Women activists in Egypt have called for a "Million Women March" after accusing the military of forgetting about the important role women played in last month's uprising and maintaining a male dominated political system.

I've spoken a lot about the importance of women all over world to show support and solidarity to others who are facing challenges and need to know they are not forgotten. For me, along with educating everyone about the lack of educational, economical and health options and resources so many of the world's women still have in relation to men, International Women's Day is about celebrating womanhood and holding our hands out across the world to pick up those who may be struggling and bring them along with us. It's about solidarity. For this reason, I've chosen this year to join 'Women For Women' in their global campaign 'On the Bridge' I'll be joining Annie Lennox, Sarah Brown and nearly 1000 other women on the Millenium Bridge across the Thames in London. Across the UK and the world, in places such as the USA, Canada, Australia, Germany, China, Israel, Saudi Arabia, Switzerland, China, Sudan ad Pakistan, women will be holding hands across bridges in support of women who's lives have been devastated by wars all over the world and in a stand for peace.

Women for Women have been working for the last ten years with women in Afghanistan. The brutal way women are treated one of the countries where it is most dangerous of all to be a woman was one of the justifications the USA cited for their military attacks in 2001. Since the war, things have improved for women but there are still grave concerns. I talked about concerns about government plans to take over the refuges that have saved the lives of many Afghan women here last month. Improvements made in education for women since the war are also under threat. This is all of grave concern in a country where:

80% of all women and girls have experienced sexual, physical, economical of psychological domestic violence
A woman dies in childbirth every 27 minutes due to lack of healthcare
Women earn 1/3 of the wage of a man in the same role
60% of all marriages are forced
50% of girls are married before the age of 16
there are 50 000 war widows in Kabul alone, each supporting an average of 6 dependents.

Women for Women offer financial support, vocational skill training and help women become more aware of their rights. They also run leadership training schemes for men to challenge their beliefs and understanding of women so they can learn to treat them as equals.

I'll be walking on the bridge in support of the women in Afghanistan and those affected by war all over the world. As I walk, I'll also be thinking of all those women I've met, written about and talked about on this blog this year. Where possible, I'll be sending them messages of support to tell them so. Why don't you join women on the bridge and why not send your own International Women's Day messages to women you know who could use the knowledge they are being thought about right now.

The Amazonian women who fear for the future of their existence

2011-03-03T21:49:00.008Z

This is Sheyla Yakarepi Juruna (aged 34). Sheyla is an influential and feisty leader of the Jurana Tribe of the Xingu River Basin, an indigenous Amazonian community. Sheyla has been leading her people in protests and touring Europe to gain support for a massive new project that is threatening their way of life and breaking national and international conventions the Brazilian Government had previously agreed on to protect the rights of indigenous people.

In June 2010, the Brazilian and Peruvian governments signed an energy agreement that opens the door for Brazilian companies to build a series of large 'mega dams' along the Amazon river. The Brazilian Government is planing to build what will be the world's third largest hydroelectric project on the Xingu, one of the Amazons largest tributaries. This will divert the flow of the Xingu and devastate an extensive area of the Brazilian rainforest. If this project is not stopped, over 20 000 indigenous people will be displaced. On Tuesday, Sheya explained to me what life is like for women in her community and how life will change for them if the dam is built. In her community, women spend their days working in agriculture. There are no formal schools. Children have to travel 10km to school and there is nothing provided for them in respect of their language and culture. The nearest hospital is 17km away. Life is already hard but Sheyla and her people are living in terror of being displaced. She told me;

"Our lives have changed already. We live in fear and can not live in peace. Women in my community are farmers and when the roads are built through our land and when the river is dry and there are no fish we will all be forced out of their homes."

While the dangers of these dams are most immediate to the indigenous populations whose survival is under threat, they will ultimately impact us all. The vast amounts of rainforest that will be lost will pose a huge threat to the global climate, bringing about unpredictable weather, floods and accelerating global warming.

Sheyla urges women in Britain to "join in the struggle, defend their lives and defend the future for our children."

More information and ideas on how you can help are available from The Rainforest Foundation here.

Picture Credit: Brazil, International Rivers, Belo Monte Protest, courtesy of The Rainforest Foundation, UK

Behind The Black Door

2011-03-02T15:57:00.006Z

I was honoured to be invited by Sarah Brown to the launch of her book Behind The Black Door yesterday evening. It was a 'tweet-up' and I had a wonderful time with a group of women, some of whom I've talked to on twitter before and some whom were new to me. Our group came together due to mutual friends or twitter friends and by the end of the evening we'd gelled into a group of mates who fully intend on staying in touch on line and meeting up again when we get the opportunity. I think this neatly sums up the impact Sarah Brown has had on women across the UK and the world. She's an excellent networker in that she thrives on, not only making connections of her own, but bringing people together and motivating them to dig deep inside themselves and reach their potential, especially in the fields of promoting social justice. I was lucky enough to be invited to Sarah's original Downing Tweet Christmas Party in 2009 and wrote about it here. The picture today shows me with Emily Thackray and Holly Shaw, from the charity, Live Life The Give Life as Sarah introduced us to Gordon. It was a really exciting evening to meet them and see 'behind the black door' for ourselves but it is only now, looking back on that night, that I have come to realise just what an impact it had on me, the things I have done since then and the future I have planned.

My son, William had just gone back to school that term, following several years mainly living in hospital, culminating in a small bowel transplant at the end of 2008. I got to know Sarah on twitter when I began campaigning with Live Life Then Give Life and played a big part in organising a twitter campaign - Save Jess and benefit gig - Save Jess-tival to promote organ donation and, in particular, highlight Jess's urgent need for a double lung transplant after waiting on the list for over four years. Sarah Brown was a huge supporter and her tweets gave us invaluable quotes that we were able to share with the media. Through this time, Sarah came to know more about William and our own story. I blogged throughout William's transplant journey and Sarah followed our progress there. You never know who could be reading your blog!

Once Save Jess-tival was over, I did some media work with Live Life Then Give Life but was also left wondering what I was going to do with myself now William was back at school and I could start thinking of my own career. I'd been a single mum to a sick child and his sisters for so long that it had kind of come to define me. During the ling years living in hospital I'd lost a contact with normality and the sorts of things 'normal people' talked about in the big wide world outside intestinal failure and transplant units. It had been a very long time since I'd even been out for a drink with friends, so long that I had lost all of my social confidence. Being invited to Downing Street was an honour, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity not to be missed. I was terrified but donned on a frock, went along and had a fantastic time.

I met lots of inspirational women from charities I still work with and people with whom I share supportive tweets to encourage each other in our work. Looking back, I can see that that night was my springboard into recreating myself from simply a 'mother of a sick child' into becoming the journalist and campaigner I am now. It also began my journey into looking beyond the issues that affected me immediately into seeing what goes on for other women all over the world. I still share my own story and am an avid campaigner for more people to donate their organs to save a life like William but I'm now also as passionate as highlighting and voicing the stories I share in this blog and the features I write.

All the women I shared last night with can share a similar story. She has inspired Rosie and Sarah to become politicians and Hannah, Sally and Karen to push to achieve all they can be. We also met some fantastic celebs, of whom I must mention Sue Perkins and Ben from Big Brother 2010 who were both lovely and down to earth and joined in our chat like equals. It's always fun to meet people who you admire but, for me, it wasn't about the celebs but about the inspiration and example Sarah Brown had set us all and how she'd bought us all together. She can reach and mentor so many people with her encouraging tweets and seeing, if you're lucky enough to meet her, how much she clearly values the people she engages with. This, as well as a group of new friends I hope to see again very soon, is what I took away from last nigh. I aim to look for opportunities to encourage and mentor others in the same way. Sarah signed my book 'keep up the campaigning' and I can promise her I will do. I'm looking forward to some down time reading the book too. I'm sure it will be an interesting, entertaining and inspirational read and highly recommend it. I have a feeling some things in there will be finding their way into future posts.

Women leading others in taking a stand

2011-03-01T14:42:00.006Z

I spent this morning at a press conference, hosted by The Rainforest Foundation UK about the Brazilian Government's plans to build dams that will lead to up to 10 000 indigenous people along the Amazon being displaced. These three respected community leaders presented heart wrenching accounts of how this will affect their people. What do you notice about the picture? Two of the three are women! I interviewed Sheya Yakarepi Juruna, Representative of the Juruna Tribe of the Xingu River Basin in Brazil (right of Chief Almir Narayamoga Surui, Leader of the Surui Tribe of the Madeira River Basin in the middle) and Ruth Buendia Mestoquiari, President of the Centra Ashaninka Del Rio Enu, in Peru about what life is like for women in their communities and how this will change if the dams are built. I have lots of information, notes and fantastic interviews to transcribe and process and will come back to this but, for now, just wanted to share with you how exciting it is to see powerful women taking a stand and leading others in changing the world for the better.

I'm rushing now to get ready to celebrate the launch of a book that tells the story of another woman who has led and inspired many others - Sarah Brown, wife of ex-UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown. I'll blog about her book launch when I get in later on this evening so watch this space..

Photo by T. Leaud, on behalf of the Rainforest Foundation UK

Why do so many women still blame victims of rape

2011-02-28T15:52:00.003Z

I was reading my weekly newsletter from Eaves this morning and was so saddened to read about this piece published by the BBC. A recent survey has thrown up some shocking facts about how many women still blame the victim to some extent when a rape occurs. If a girls says no to sex, regardless of what she is wearing and whether or not she is lying in bed with a man, and he proceeds to force or coerce her into sex, it is rape.

The survey found that almost three quarters of women believed a woman should accept some responsibility for her rape if she got into bed with her attacker. A third blamed victims for their rape if they were dressed provocatively or had gone back to the attackers home for a drink. I find it really interesting that the survey found that women were more likely to blame victims of rape than men. I wonder how much of this is because rape is just so terrifying that women don't want to imagine it can happen to them. It's far easier to live with a notion that women, to some extent at least, bring it on themselves. Humans need to feel in control of their lives and it is very worrying to think that horrible things can happen to us without us being able to prevent then. I live in an area of London that has seen a lot of teen violence and murder. I'm forever convincing myself that if my children stay out of gangs and don't provoke anyone they will be OK. I put the blinkers on when I read reports of innocent bystanders being injured or killed because they have been at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Humans attribute behaviours in a way that makes them feel comfortable but this has implications on those whose behaviours they are judging. It's little wonder that so many women carry the fact they have been raped as a secret. It can feel so isolating feeling unable to talk to anyone about it for fear they will form an unwelcome opinion of you. Carrying such a horrific event as a secret can also lead to the depression and eating disorders so common among victims of sex crimes. So come on women, let's start really thinking and being honest to ourselves and to each other about what consent to sex and what rape really is and start offering support and understanding in place of judgement.

"In a split of a second..."

2011-02-25T11:49:00.005Z

In the split of a second a life can be changed forever. This is Nazziwa Annete and her beautiful daughter. Nazziwa is 19. Two years ago, when she was just 17, she was lured out of school by a man called Douglas Ssempilia, who took her as his wife and moved her away from her family. Her family hardly saw her until she returned, severely battered and with a baby. During this time, Nazziwa had had two miscarriages, she explains: "Doug’ started complaining that it was my mother’s fault I was losing our babies. He then started hitting me on several occasions blaming me for the miscarriages."

Nazziwa and her family thought her ordeal was over but Douglas followed her home and on November 30th, 2010, carried out a brutal attack on his wife:

"While in the plantation with my baby, mother and sister Nambwere, he appeared from nowhere demanded for his child and then in a split of a second he pulled out a machete and repeatedly hacked me with it cutting off my hands, I also sustained injuries on my head.”

It was only the Nazziwa's life was in danger but, thankfully, her mother was able to give her first aid and take her to hospital.

Nazziwa's father reported Douglas to the police but they refused to arrest him because they said they had no money for fuel. The family would have to find the money before anything could be done. Douglas made threats agains Nazziwa and her family but the police continued to refuse any action until the family could pay for their fuel. Despite the fact that 68% of women in Uganda experienced domestic violence in the last twelve months alone, many of whom are living daily in a life threatening situation, the police are given no budget to take any action. Action Aid stood in to fund Douglas' arrest and to support Nazziwa as she prepared her case against her husband.

Douglas was finally arrested on 5th February 2011 and sentenced on 8th to just 10 years imprisonment for the maiming and attempted murder of his 19-year-old wife. He could walk free in 7 years. Action Aid helped Nazziwa and her family fight for an appeal which takes place on Monday February 28th. This video tells the story and shows how you can send Nazziwa messages of support. I know she will get them. One of the Action Aid team is taking them to her in person on March 1st so please send your messages over the weekend.

I feel very honoured to be working with Action Aid, blogging as part of their 'Get Lippy' campaign for World Women's Day on 8th March. All photos and quotes on today's blog come courtesy of Action Aid.

I introduced the project and some of the women we are reaching out to on Tuesday. Please do tell your friends about these women, watch the films, visit the Get Lippy site and send your messages of support and solidarity. All messages are being delivered by hand by Action Aid so you can know these women will be receiving them in time for World Women's Day.

Haiti - worries and blessings

2011-02-24T17:43:00.003Z

I was shocked to read this week that Haitian children are being sold by their desperate parents for as little as 76 pence to people pretending to be representatives from agencies working in the country to help those still struggling to get on their feet after the earthquake. This powerful video explains it all.

Last year, I wrote about an amazing little charity, The Haiti Hospital Appeal Two British 21-year-old boys, Carwyn and Johnny, heard about the lack of basic health care in Haiti and felt moved and called by God to build a hospital. Within months, with the help of their families and friends, they had set up a charity and were on their way to building a health care centre, hospital and children's home. Then the earthquake hit and this little charity and these two inspirational men found themselves catapulted into the midst of an international programme to rescue victims and restore healthcare to the country. Do visit their website to read about the amazing work they are doing with paraplegic quake victims, providing respite to families who have disabled children so they can continue to work and don't have to abandon their children and delivering maternal health care to a country where most women deliver their babies alone on the floor and a third of those babies are dead before they reach the age of five.

When rape is a weapon of war

2011-02-23T18:25:00.004Z

This afternoon, I went to visit CAFOD, the Catholic Aid Agency for England and Wales. This quote, from Archbishop Oscar Romero, was written above the reception desk and really caught my attention - "Aspire not to have more but to be more." What a fantastic motto. As I heard about the work CAFOD do and how they set about it, I realised how fitting that quote is for them. CAFOD work with the poorest communities in 40 countries across Africa, Asia and Latin America. They work on a range of projects with some of the most vulnerable people in the world. They do this, not by going in and taking control, but by empowering local people to change their own lives and communities. One of the projects we spent a lot of time talking about is the shocking way women in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) are being raped in their 1000s by soldiers using rape as a weapon of war.

In the DRC, women who have been raped are considered to have been soiled and sullied. They bring shame to their families and communities and so are rejected. Some women are forced into servitude while others are forced out of their families and made to fend for themselves. Many of these women end up in refuge camps. The soldiers are trained to exploit this by raping women, often in public to maximise her shame. Communities become destabilised as more and more women are raped and rejected and more and more families are fractured.

I have three stories in front of me outlining the things that have happened to women ranging from 23 to 52 years old. It is some of the most disturbing reading I've ever done. These rapes are carried out most brutal and savage ways possible. Multiple rape, gang rap and intense physical violence. After all that, these women are rejected by their own husbands and parents. Some discover they are pregnant and many contract HIV. One woman tells of being raped by seven soldiers from behind before being turned around and raped again from the front. The same woman was then forced to live for three years in a camp with the soldiers where she was raped every morning and evening and had to work hard collecting wood during the day. Her clothes were taken away from her and she was forced to live her life naked. Eventually, she managed to escape and return to her village, only to be disowned because, "It's what I deserve for being raped." Her own family told her it would have been better if she'd been killed.

Rape at the hands of soldiers in the DRC is one of the topics that will explored in the coming weeks by Ross Kemp in his new series - Extreme World . He talked about this episode last week while being interviewed for BBC Breakfast when he said he visited these soldiers and expected to find "animals." Instead, he found young, vulnerable boys who were, themselves, victims of poverty and violence. Like most of these issues, it is more complex than meets the eye and tackling it can only be done by reaching out, understanding and educating all those involved.

CAFOD do some fantastic work with women in the DRC who have been raped by the soldiers. They have set up 'listening rooms' where the women can be counselled to help them realise their rape was not their fault and they don't deserve to be shunned and ashamed. The women are taught to read and write, to develop a trade, such as sewing and how to set up a business. CAFOD are also working on a community level, teaching villagers and families to re-conceptualise these rapes and to work towards de-stigmatizing these women reintegrating back into their families and the societies where they belong.

You can read more about the work CAFOD are doing in the DRC here .

Get Lippy

2011-02-22T10:49:00.000Z

In the last month, I've been invited to join the 'Ladies Who Latte', the 'Croydon Creatives' the 'Croydon Mums in Business' and a 'Creative Mum's Network.' If I joined in on every coffee and chat opportunity I'd never get anything written. Women love to connect. We love to reach out to each other and encourage one another, especially if we share something in our experiences of life. There is nothing that inspires me more in my work than interviewing amazing women like Leyla , Patches, and Ophelia, who I wrote about in the piece I talked about yesterday. Meeting these women never feels like a formal 'interview'. We tend to chat over a tea or coffee and, to me, my job as a writer is to re-tell their story in the way they told it to me. I like to do this in such a way that my readers can relate to them, almost as if they were the ones sitting having coffee with them, and then become drawn in so they empathise with the issue we are trying to highlight. I am always moved by my interviewees and my aim is for the readers to feel the same way by the time they get to the end of the article.

Some readers will know that my son had a small bowel transplant in 2008. Before this, we lived most of out lives in hospitals while my girls stayed with their grandparents. Our story was summarised here . The two years leading to William's transplant were lonely and isolating for me. At first, friends would call and visit us in hospital but, after several long months, their support often waned and my existence in the world outside the hospital ward seemed to evaporate. It was then that I first began blogging and my original blog tells the story of those years, William's transplant and the impact it had on me and our family. I stopped writing on that blog last year when I just suddenly felt I'd had enough of telling our story in that way. I realised that our lives and the world didn't start and end with William and transplants, that there were a lot of women and stories out there that needed voicing and that I felt a calling to be that voice for some of them. The main thing that kept me writing that blog was knowing that others were reading it, and offering their support to us through it. Although we felt physically isolated from the world, I could connect with people through my blog and the comments people left on it.

There are many, many women in the world feeling that acute and agonising sense of isolation right now. March 8th is World Women's Day - a day when women all over the world are urged to stand up and hold hands across the globe in support of each other. Action Aid are urging women to Get Lippy and write messages to empower others who really need it to help them get through each day. You can get involved. All you have to do is visit the site and send a message. You may think that just a few typed lines from an anonymous supported won't make a difference but, believe me, it does. Messages like this have helped me through my very darkest and most worrying times.

Click here to meet some of the women you could be reaching out to. You may not be able to sit down and have a coffee with them but sending them your support will mean so much to them.

Over the coming week, I'll be introducing you to some of them in more detail and sharing with you the issues they hope to highlight on World Women's Day and how you can help some more.

Alcohol and teen sex

2011-02-21T17:00:00.000Z

Last night, my fourteen year old daughter and her friends believed I was the worst mother in the entire world. The reason for this was simple. I was refusing to let her go to out and return home between eleven and midnight, without first talking to a parent at the house she was going to and the one she had told me was giving her a lift home. The same evening, a close friend of mine was having a discussion with his fifteen year old daughter for coming home somewhat worse for wear the night before. It's such a tricky age. I'm not a huge fan of Britney Spears, but I do think she taps into the way our young girls are feeling right now in her song "I'm Not a Girl" I understand that my daughter needs that "little moment that is mine, while I'm in between [being a girl and a woman]" but I'm not sure her idea for how to find that moment always corresponds with how I would want her to but that's the battle parents have had with their teenagers across the centuries and across the world.

The things that concern me most are drugs, alcohol and what seems to be a growing pressure for underage sex. Of course, the three are inter-related and all are on the increase among teenagers and young children in the UK. I was horrified when researching for a piece on the role of alcohol in date rape to find out that one in five fifteen year-old girls in the UK believe they have been date raped. I don't imagine for a minute that all of these girls have been violently raped but that many of them feel they have been coerced into having sex, even when they clearly said no. As I discovered when I wrote this piece, published in Cosmopolitan last December, rape is not always a violent assault on a dark street by a stranger. Any sex without consent is rape.

The British papers today carried warnings that as many as a quarter of a million people in the UK could die an alcohol related death in the next two decades. Drinking alcohol is fast rising to epidemic levels with binge drinking among young women the fastest growing trend. Experts are calling on the government to take the strength they have taken to prevent smoking. Liver disease rates have doubled in the last twenty-five years and the 'wider harms' of alcohol go much further. As well as the direct impact these wider harms have on health, I am concerned about the social harms.

In 2006, the Association of Chief Police Officers published a report, Operation Matisse, which presented an analysis of the substances used in 120 reported incidents of drug facilitated rape. All but one of the women had been drinking alcohol before her attack, many of whom had extremely high levels, way above the legal limit for drink driving. I have been told of 'predators' who stalk pubs and bars, watching for a woman who has drifted away from her group in order to try and ply her with alcohol and lure her off to be raped. The relationship between alcohol and rape can be more subtle and it is this that I am sure is related to the worrying statistics concerning teen date rape and the kind of situation that concerns me as a parent.

Psychologist, Miranda Horvarth has widely researched the relationship between alcohol and rape. In a book published last year she explains how the drug works in the favour of a rapist. Just a small amount of alcohol can impair a woman’s ability to recognise cues in a man’s behaviour that could make them feel uncomfortable and alert them to potential danger if sober. A little more alcohol impairs her abilities to solve problems and make the plans that could have enabled her to escape a potentially dangerous situation if sober. It can also make the woman sleepy and reduce her physical strength to fight back. Very high levels of alcohol can render her unconscious and completely powerless. All of this enables the rapist to use his powers of coercion, rather than force making it appear that the women was a lot more compliant than is the case in the more violent forms of assault that we tend to associate with rape. Miranda explains that it is a particularly problematic form of rape as it shares so many characteristics with normal behaviour such as the location and social situations involved.

Miranda says, ‘What separates a misguided one-night stand and a rape is that the intention and motivation of the perpetrator to have sex with a girl regardless of whether or not his advances are welcome.’

This related to what I was saying on Friday. Drugs and alcohol lower inhibitions and also make it hard for people to read the subtleties in each others behaviour. A girl may not say no but may be making it clear by her actions that she means no but a guy who has been drinking may not see this. A few hours later, he has committed a rape. Likewise, a girl who is drunk may not see a difficult situation that she doesn't want to be in arising until it is too late and she feels powerless to make it clear she doesn't want it. Rape is still rape in these situations. If I girl says no, whether verbally or physically, it is rape. We won't be able to stop our teenagers drinking and we probably can't tell them that in life they should never have sex when they have been drinking. What we can do is teach them to keep reminding themselves to question, 'Is this something I really want to be doing?' and 'Is this something the person I am with really wants to be doing?' Then teach them that if they are in any doubt at all they must stop and talk about it in the morning.

Human rights for victims and perpetrators

2011-02-18T15:08:00.000Z

I ended last week on the blog with this entry about the collision course the UK Government seemed to be on with the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR), precipitated by the EU's ruling that prisoners should be given the right to vote. I ended that entry by repeating what I'd read in the days papers that Britain's relationship with the ECHR will dominate the next two years of politics. If this week is anything to go by, that domination will be pretty significant. Although the discussion of whether or not prisoners should get the vote has rumbled on, this has been eclipsed by an ECHR ruling that those on the sex offender register should have the right to appeal against being on the list fifteen years after their release from prison. Unsurprisingly, this has elicited strong reaction in the media, from those representing victims of crime and the general public.

I've had a lot of discussions with people whose initial response has been that those who commit a sexual attack on another human should never walk free from jail, let alone get the right to remove themselves from a register that enables the community they are released into to monitor their activity and keep the public safe. The ruling doesn't give anyone the right to come off the list. It give them the right to appeal to come off the list. An example that has been used across the media is that of an eleven-year-old boy who raped a six-year-old. This childhood act, vile though it is, could have been an isolated event, specific to a context that will never be repeated. I've worked in prisons, managing psychological behaviour change programmes and I know that, for some people, they work. I've seen sex offenders become full of remorse and sickened by their action and the thought they could ever do anything like it again. Does such an individual then not have a right to a future free of the stigma of being listed as a sex offender? I can see the argument that their victims had the right not to be violated in the way they were. I feel I do have some authority to speak on this side of the story. I have been the victim of a sexual attack and, it's true, many of my rights, including the right to self-confidence and dignity were taken away from me but, as time has passed by, those rights have been restored. It doesn't change anything for me or undo what was done to think of my attacker having a life without the right to freedom and to be fully accepted in society, if he had come to the point where he no longer posed a danger to anyone. I have heard it suggested that 25% of sex offenders will reoffend and that we can't predict who they will be. It's true that a lot do reoffend but not so true that there is no way of suggesting who that may be. Of course, in some cases this is true, but there are profiling tools that can help judge if an individual is in a situation where they are unlikely to offend again.

There is a fundamental difference between the right for prisoners to vote and for sex offenders to be given full freedom under the specific circumstances that they have been punished for their crime and have been rehabilitated. A right to vote is a constitutional right. In my view, if prisoners are still UK citizens they share that right. A right for freedom is a human right. The biggest thing to happen to me personally this week has been having my eyes opened to what is happening on death row in the USA. This entry has become the most popular on the blog and is something I will be revisiting a lot over the coming months. I am just transcribing a very long and open interview with Patches Rhodes, the mother of Brandon who was executed on death row with British drugs that failed to anaesthetise him to protect him from an agonising death. Patches told me of men on death row who bulk their food with paper to stop them feeling hungry - being fed is another human right. It's very easy to think of these sex offenders, and prisoners we don't want to trust with the vote, as monsters. The media often portrays them that way - as predators who will strike agains innocent people given half the chance. In some cases, that is true and these people should never be released from prison or taken off sex offender lists. Brandon has certainly been depicted in the media in this way but the more I listened to Patches and saw photos of her son, the more I understood that he was not a horrible, dangerous monster, but a boy who did something, he immediately deeply regretted, within a unique set of very specific circumstances (Brandon admitted to shooting one teenager in the arm or leg but strongly believed he did not kill anyone). The same can be true for sex offenders on the UK register and, even more upsetting, for those waiting to be executed where capital punishment is still used in criminal justice systems all over the world. I don't think any human should be denied basic rights and the thought of execution chills me without even going into the idea that many of those put to death could well have been innocent in the first place.

I write a lot on this blog about violence against women and it is a horrendous thing that every woman has right to never experience. What I'm learning more and more is that these things happen in contexts. Sure, the perpetrators are responsible for their actions. Patches will be the first to tell you that her son should not have been in the house he was burgling and should not have hurt anyone in any way. To Patches, Brandon deserved to be in jail but he didn't deserve to die. However, I don't think the context of a violent or sexual crime, or any crime, should ever be used to put any blame on the victim or condone the perpetrator. What I do think is that the best way to learn about and prevent violence against women is to understand the context of these crimes and make changes to stop such situations arising. I also think that perpetrators who have been removed from the context, punished and rehabilitated have the right to live the rest of their lives in freedom.

Neonatal health in two very different continents

2011-02-17T15:10:00.000Z

Today, I met with two amazing charities. Bliss, the charity who support the families and campaign on behalf of, "babies born too soon, too small, too sick," here in the UK and AMREF, who work towards better health for Africa and are currently doing a lot of work to improve maternal and neonatal health. I had a very interesting conversation with each and came away with a list of ideas for features and future blog entries.

I'm sitting here now with Bliss Baby Report 2010 and AMREF's annual review along side each other. From a quick glance at the images, it is difficult to imagine the experiences of women in Africa and the UK could be further apart. The Bliss report is illustrated with pictures of babies covered in tubes, wires and lights and attached to high tech equipment while AMREF shows simple beds with no equipment and children working in the fields, cutting corn with hand tools. However, the words tell a similar story. Both talk about access to health care, training staff and training women in how to breast feed and bond with their babies. Both charities share a mission and the same concerns.

World wide, four million babies die each year in the first twenty-eight days of life - the neonatal period. The White Ribbon Alliance, the global campaign to improve maternal health has published an 'Atlas of Birth, ' comparing maternal and neonatal health, death and healthcare across the world. Not surprisingly, women in the UK have among the best healthcare in the world and, as a result, our neonatal death rate is less than 5 deaths per 1000 live births. The communities supported by AMREF see up to 44 deaths per 1000 live births, mainly due to the lack of medical care and education available for mothers. In Ethiopia, 94% of women have no trained health workers available to them while they give birth. It isn't a surprise that 99% of all deaths in childbirth happen in third world countries. If a mother dies, there is a 70% chance their baby will die too.

Every single neonatal death is one too many and heartbreaking for the family. The rates may be low in the UK but most of those will happen among the group of babies Bliss is there to help. Bliss campaign avidly to ensure that every one of these babies gets the best chance to survive and thrive. This includes fighting to ensure there are enough beds in neonatal intensive care units, that there are enough nursing staff for each baby sick enough to need intensive care to have a nurse to themselves and that all nurses receive the best training possible. While Bliss lobby, AMREF provide training for nurses and midwives. Their unique and innovative e-learning has enhanced the skills of 5, 448 Kenyan nurses. Innovation is a word that is also important to Bliss. They fund research on new ways to care for premature and babies, including one looking at the benefits of manuka honey on delicate newborn skin.

There is great concern about the lack of medical professionals in Africa, with only 25 doctors per 100,000 people with the highest burden of disease in the world. While we should consider ourselves very lucky indeed in the UK to have access to a sophisticated and well staffed health care system, Bliss and the families it supports have a right to be concerned. While I write, I am hearing about massive funding and staff cuts in the NHS, at the weekend I read about huge cuts in the number of midwives to be trained next year. All of this will impact on those vulnerable and precious tiny babies Bliss fights to save. 2011 looks set to be a challenging year for both Bliss and AMREF and I am looking forward to bringing more of their stories to this blog in the coming months.

An inspirational charity leader returns her OBE in protest against funding cuts

2011-02-16T15:28:00.000Z

The very best thing about my work is the people I meet. This morning I met an incredible lady who told me about her son with such love and life that I feel like I know him. What I heard about Brandon Rhodes in the parliamentary group yesterday, and from seeing the warmth captured in pictures of him seemed in contrast with the things I had read about him in the press coverage of his time on death row and his execution. I felt privileged to be hearing Brandon's story told by his mum, Patches this morning. I will come back to this in a future blog but I want to do it justice when I do so first there is the small matter of about twenty hours of transcribing to do and some more research into the way Brandon and Patches have been portrayed in the US media.

In the meantime, I want to talk today about another inspirational woman - Denise Marshall, CEO at Eaves For Women, the fantastic charity I work very closely with. Eaves support some of the most vulnerable women in the UK, including those who have been trafficked, who have been subjected to the most horrific domestic violence, who have been raped and who are trying to escape prostitution. Denise has been working at Eaves for 25 years and, in 2007, was given an OBE in honour of her work. Today, Denise announced she is handing her OBE back because she believes that the huge funding cuts the government is imposing will render it impossible for her to do the work she was recognised for. Whenever I meet Denise I am struck by her passion and commitment and for her absolute joy in seeing very broken women come through their time in Eaves refuges and on courses renewed and able to get on with their lives. She has told me; "I often think it [Eaves] is the most optimistic place to be because we see people come out of their situations. We see the good bits." Denise has also explained that her insight into the lives of the women who find themselves knocking (sometimes quite literally) at Eaves' door makes her realise, " that this country is not set up to look after other people." It seems Denise is not wrong.

During the week I was there, Eaves were fighting for money to save the Scarlet Centre, a fantastic resource offering courses, drop in opportunities and computer access to all the women the charity support. Last week, I was told that Eaves are facing a 90% cut in funding for their POPPY Project, providing housing and support for women who have been trafficked into the UK. Denise told The Guardian;

"Recently it has been keeping me awake at night. I feel like it would be dishonourable and wrong to keep it. I'm facing a future where I can't give women who come into my organisation the services they deserve - I won't be able to provide the services for which I got the OBE. We will see situations where women are in danger as a result of the cuts."

Research conducted by the national charity, Women's Aid, suggests that more than half of all charities and organisation supporting victims of domestic violence in the UK don't know if they will have the funds to remain open at the end of March. The full story can be read here. It saddens me to see a woman and organisation who inspired me so much hit in such a way.

This afternoon, Yvette Cooper, Labours Shadow Minister for Women and Equalities offered her support for Denise's decision on the party website, saying; "This shows the strength of feeling building against the way the Tory-led government's unfair cuts are hitting women."

A spokesperson from the Home Office reassured Guardian readers that, "tackling violence against women and girls is a priority for this government." I hope so. Time will tell.

British drugs on death row

2011-02-15T21:19:00.000Z

Last week, I received an email inviting me to interview an American lady called Patches Rhodes. Patches is the mother of Brandon Rhodes who was executed on death row in Georgia last year. Patches is in the UK this week with her son, Joshua, to ask the British Government and citizens to help them make sure that the horrific death Brandon went through never happens again. The UK is against the death penalty and our Government is an advocate in the fight for global abolishment of capital punishment. Thus, it would make sense for Patches and Joshua to come here to gain support for their campaign but there is another, more shocking reason for their visit. Brandon was killed with drugs exported from the UK. These drugs were sold to the US with the full knowledge they would be used in a lethal

injection by a man who sold them at twelve times the recommended price - purely to make as much money as possible out of the USA's shortage of a drug used in execution. It gets even worse. One of the drugs was called sodium thiopental, an anaesthetic used to put prisoners to sleep before they are paralysed and killed with a lethal dose of potassium. In Brandon's execution, and at least one other, this drug did not work. Brandon's eyes would have closed as he fell asleep but they remained open throughout his execution. Brandon's life ended in an agonising pain that could have lasted up to twelve minutes.

Today, I attended a parliamentary hearing on the export of drugs from the UK to the US for use in lethal injections, presented to the All Party Parliamentary Group on the Abolition of the Death Penalty with the campaigning organisation Reprieve I was shocked at what I heard. I am firmly against the death penalty for anyone. Even without considering the risks of mistakes happening and innocent people being killed, I strongly believe that no person has the right to end the life of another, even if that person has committed murder. The fact that the death penalty happens at all is unforgivable in my view but today I learned that, because no medical professional should be involved in the taking of a life, non medical staff, such as prison wardens are mixing drugs and even putting catheters into veins for their delivery. I saw slides showing wounds where people have undergone up to twelve attempts at putting in lines and slides showing how drugs have leaked and burned skin. It seems many of these executions are botched. What upset me even more is that a drug is given to paralyse the prisoner, purely to make it easier for prison staff to watch. After the anaesthetic, a paralytic drug is administered so there is no struggle against the potassium and so the face looks relaxed and peaceful. Because this drug is given, anyone who is not fully anaesthetised has no way of alerting anyone to the pain they are experiencing. I know how that feels. I have severe asthma and have been ventilated several times. When you have a tube in your chest and are on a ventilator you have two continuous infusions - anaesthetic and paralytic. One time, my anaesthetic ran out. The tube in my chest was agonising and I tried to shout or move and arm but couldn't. I was terrified. I didn't have to go through the burning of neat potassium in my veins and the panic of being asphyxiated by the paralysis (a machine was breathing for me). Try holding your breath for fifteen seconds. How did it feel? Now imagine not being able to take that breath at the end and then feeling something that feels like battery acid flowing through your veins. No-one deserves that.

It may have been that Brandon's execution was not administered properly but medical experts feel it is more likely that the anaesthetics exported from the UK were not properly controlled in transit, rendering them useless. The drugs were exported by Dream Pharma , an operation that consists of one man, Mehdi Alavi working out of a room in a driving school in Acton. Have a look at the photo on this feature about him. Would you want an operation that depended on drugs sold from there? Mr Alavi knew the drugs were being supplied for execution and knew he was making a lot of money out of it.

In November last year, sodium thiopental was placed on a controlled export list. However, the paralytic drug, pancuronium bromide and the lethal potassium chloride can still be exported to the US. Worryingly, Dream Pharma may have exported enough thiopental for 85 executions and all of this drug could have been spoilt in transit.

The parliamentary group are calling for exports of pancuronium and potassium to be controlled as soon as possible and for an urgent recall of all thiopental exported to the USA. They are also calling for urgent legislation to make it illegal for anyone to export any drug anywhere in the world if they know or believe it could be used for execution. Britain is against the death penalty and doesn't want to be party to it. Mr Alavi knew he was assisting death by lethal injection and, in that sense, was as involved in Brandon's death as much as the executioners on death row.

The image at start of today's blog is of Brandon, pictured in the last days of his life. He was terrified of the lethal injection and tried to take his own life the morning of the first day he was due to be executed. He cut his arms and neck and lost 60% of his blood. He was rushed to hospital where his heart had to be restarted with electric shocks five times. All this must to be sent back to jail and executed because the state had to be the ones to kill him. The original plan was to execute him within hours on his return but he was granted a stay while his psychological fitness for execution was examined. The warden feared he would try again to kill himself so he where he was tied to a chair all day everyday for six days before his next execution warrant was served. Tomorrow, I'll be sharing more about Brandon and why his family are so passionate that we should help them prevent anyone else going through the horrific death he endured.

Reprieve are currently supporting 33 British citizens on death row, including the British grandmother, Linda Carty. It may well be that British drugs are also exported elsewhere in the world for use in executions.

In the spotlight - Female Genital Mutilation

2011-02-14T09:52:00.000Z

Last Spring, I interviewed an amazing women for a piece I was writing for Cosmopolitan about female circumcision or excicism. I prefer the term female genital mutilation (FGM) because mutilation because I think it better captures the brutality involved in the practise. Meeting and interviewing Leyla Hussein was one of the moments that drove me to explore and write about some of the horrific things women face every day but we know so little about, it anything at all. Leyla had FGM done to her in Somali when she was seven years old. She now lives in the UK and campaigns against the practise with the charity FORWARD. I was delighted and proud to find out that my feature contributed to Leyla being given the accolade of 'Ultimate Campaigner' in Cosmo's Ultimate Women of the Year Awards last year. With Leyla providing so much inspiration, it seemed right for my first 'in the spotlight' blog to be about the horrific practise of FGM.

Before I go on to explain a little more about FGM, what it is and how it's done, please take a moment to watch this moving video, posted last week on twitter by Julia Lalla-Maharajh, a leading campaigner against FGM and founder of The Orchid Project.

I was struck by the powerful opening of this film. There is such a contrast between the music and celebration as "a noble daughter is walking..." and the knowledge that such young girls are walking on the way to be butchered. Not surprisingly, the children look far from excited and relaxed about what is going on. Mrs Goundo has a good reason to be fighting for asylum to stay in the USA to avoid being returned to Mali where her daughter will almost certainly face FGM. It is a babaric and often very dangerous practise that, as the teacher in the film explains, can prove fatal.

FGM - the facts

FGM comprises of a group of procedures involving the whole or partial removal of the external female genitalia for cultural or non medical reasons. Different cultures practise FGM at different points in a girls life as a right of passage in preparation for womanhood. Some girls have it at birth, others in childhood, some in adolescence and others at marriage or during their first labour. There are four main types of FGM, the most severe and dangerous, type I, being the complete removal of all organs and sewing up of the vagina, leaving just a small hole for urination and menstruation. This is then re-opened during labour . Definitions of these can be found here . Eighty percent of women who have had FGM had the more extreme types I and II.

The World Health Organisation estimates that up to 140 million women worldwide have undergone FGM and that a further two million are at risk from FGM every year.

FGM is most commonly done in African countries with some communities in the Middle East and Asia having a tradition for its practise. Migrated communities in the USA, Europe and the UK also carry out FGM. I will come back to discussing FGM in the UK.

FGM is thought to have originated in Ancient Egypt before diffusing all over the muslim world. Although most FGM is carried out in muslim countries, it is not a religious practise, rather a cultural tradition. In the film 'Mrs Goundo's Daughter' we here women talk of it's history dating back to times of war when men would demand it done to ensure their women were unable to give themselves to another man while they were away. A man on the film talks about it being necessary to prepare for being a wife and mother as an "apprenticeship in pain."

It is important to stress that FGM is not done in hate. Women put their daughters through FGM out of love, believing it is the right thing to do. Many mothers hate the idea of the blade being taken to their child but feel they have no choice as their daughter will not be accepted by society if they don't do it. Poverty is rife among many cultures practising FGM and a husband and wage is paramount for a woman's survival. In these societies, it is believed that a man will not accept a women who has not had FGM done. Thus, education and awareness of the physical and psychological impact of FGM, rather than blame and accusation, is at the heart of the campaign against it's practise.

FGM - the health risks

Immediate risks of FGM include: shock, severe blood loss and infection, including possible infection with HIV if the instruments are not sterile. The WHO are concerned that there is a high risk of death immediately following FGM.

Longer term risks include: urine retention and urinary tract infections, blood infections, wound infections, chronic pelvic infection, incontinence, permanent damage to reproductive organs, cysts, fistulae, retention of menstrual blood, painful intercourse and a host of dangerous complications during pregnancy. All of these risks are life long and can be fatal.

The physical risks are just part of the picture. I have been told by women that they experience flashbacks and other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and that they have a low sense of self esteem due to the shame and exposure they felt as a child, naked on the table having FGM done to them. The psychological effects of FGM later in life have been described as similar to having been sexually abused as a child. Some women also struggle with sexual relationships and physical trust while others are so traumatised by the moment FGM was done to them that they avoid all contact with health professionals for fear of any procedure, especially intimate ones, thus putting themselves at risk of unrelated health problems.

While this is upsetting and shocking, I feel I really must stress again that FGM is done out of love and belief that it is the right thing and education, not blame and judgement, is important.

FGM - what is happening in the UK?

FORWARD estimate that, right now, at least 7 000 girls are at risk of FGM in the UK.

It's practise is illegal in the UK and many girls are taken on 'special holidays' in places like Dubai to have it done. To allow recovery and keep schools from being aware of it, lots of families will take their girls to have FGM done over the long summer school vacation.

The Metropolitan Police have a team dedicated to the prevention of FGM in the UK and to raise awareness among schools and other youth organisations. See Project Azure for more information.

I have heard rumours of illegal FGM happening in people's homes - a bit like back street abortions in countries where that is illegal. I have also heard tales of girls contacting the police and charities like FORWARD in desperation to save their younger sisters from having FGM done to them. We all need to be aware of FGM, especially those who work with children. It's not just prevention. Girls who have had FGM done can be in agony when they try to go to the toilet and during their periods. Many are punished in schools for taking too long in the loo or for missing weeks off each month. Schools need to be aware of the implications of FGM and support girls who are affected by them. FORWARD and Project Azure can provide more information and training.

FGM - What can I do?

You can campaign against it. Globally, FGM is now considered to be a violation of human rights. Education about the impact of its practise is beginning to have a big impact on mothers and communities. Its practise is being questioned more and more. Men are also beginning to wonder if they really want their bride to have been mutilated in this way. Campaigns like FORWARD and The Orchid Project are leading the way in this work and you can help by joining them and donating time, effort and/or money for their work.

Anyone who works with children or who is, themselves, at school with girls who may be at risk or suffering the effects of FGM can look out for these and offer support. Schools and community groups can work with the police and FORWARD to offer education and awareness.

For further information visit FORWARD and The Orchid Project

For up to date information about the war against FGM, follow The Orchid Project on twitter here

The UK Government versus the EU on human rights issues

2011-02-11T11:19:00.000Z

Yesterday, the British Government voted by a huge majority of 234 against 22 not to give prisoners in the UK the right to vote. The fact that this decision goes directly against the law set by the European Court of Human Justice (ECHR) is a huge concern but what upsets, angers and worries me even more is the way this vote was influenced by a Prime Minister who said the thought of prisoners, even those serving less than four years for non-violent crimes, getting the vote made him feel 'physically ill!" What kind of language is that to be using in a conversation about the human rights of another individual, whatever they may have done? What message does that send out this man, David Cameron, and his level of care and empathy for the different groups of the society he leads? This quote has been repeated in nearly every piece I've read or heard in the media in the weeks and days leading up to yesterday's vote and every time I come across it it makes me feel physically sick and very uneasy about the path this Government is taking vulnerable members of our population.

Seven years ago, before my youngest son was born, I worked for a year managing the psychological and behaviour change programmes across the London

prisons and met hundreds of people who had found themselves living behind bars. Sure, there are people in our jails who have done evil, violent and pre-meditated acts but the majority of the people I met were there because desperation caused them to act in a way they never intended or even wanted to. I think every single one of them has a right to vote to change the political climate that may have contributed to their vulnerability and for the climate they wish to find when their sentence - and punishment - is over. It's the women prisoners, mums like me that I've been thinking about the most over the last few days.

Last year's general election was termed by some 'the Mumsnet election' with all three parties investing a great deal of time answering questions posed by mums on the Mumsnet, their responses being discussed at length in the media. Pundits heralded 'mummy voters' as being critical in such a closely fought election. It's no surprise. Every mother cares deeply about the future her children will face and will seek to vote for the party who will best provide for them. So what about these mums who have the very biggest fears for their children's futures? Who don't even know where they will be living next week, let alone whether they will get them into the very best of schools possible and be able to afford their fees at Oxbridge Universities. Some of the horrible MP's comments I've read in the papers suggest that these women have bought this on themselves, they've committed a crime and, in doing so, broken their contract with society and deserve a lawless existence until their punishment puts this right again. I wonder how many people who hold such a view have met women in prison or even know some of the facts about them. Here are some of the facts about the women who were living in prison in the UK on 6th August 2010.

In August 2010, there were 4 230 women living in prison in the UK. The number of women sent to jail in the UK has risen by a third in the last decade.
65% of women in prison were sentenced for a non-violent crime, compared with 45% of the men.
Women in prison were five times more likely to have a diagnosed mental illness than the general community.
One in four women in prison had been in care at some time in their childhood.
Over half of the women in prison had been a victim of domestic violence and one in three had been sexually abused.
66% of the women in prison had a child under 18. Of these, 34% were under 5.
A third of mothers in prison are single parents.
Each year, it is estimated that 17 7000 children are separated from their mum while she is in prison.

(The Prison Reform Trust, Annual Review 2010)

These are worrying statistics and don't reflect a group of women who deserve to have the right to vote for a better future taken away from them. Neither do these figures represent a group in society who deserve to have their Prime Minister state that the thought of giving them that right makes him feel "physically ill." What does being referred to in that way do to an already broken sense of self worth and esteem?

Jack Straw defended his stance against giving prisoners the vote by saying that he has never had a letter from a prisoner complaining about their lack of vote. Well, with all that to contend with, is it any surprise that writing to anyone about voting in an election doesn't hit the top of a to do list? Maybe if he had actually asked people he would have got a very different picture.

It remains illegal for our country to go against the European Court of Human Rights in not allowing prisoners to vote and here is where things get even more worrying for me. The Government is now to look at the minimum it can get away with to satisfy our legal obligations and the reports make it perfectly clear this is only to avoid a hefty fine, nothing to do with rights! Reading this reminded me of a conversation I had with the fundraising team working with POPPY who receive Government funding to provide housing and support for women who have been trafficked from overseas into the UK. They face a 90% cut in their funding because the Government have changed their emphasis from providing the very best care to the very cheapest care and the very least support for each woman they can get away with while still satisfying European expectations. We all know we need to cut services but this goes beyond this, it's another example of the Government pulling away from Europe on the issue of human rights. The EU set a new convention to set out what help and support women trafficked into Europe have a right to receive. The UK Government are one of only two to refuse to sign up to this legislation (the other being Belgium who never sign to anything related to immigration). The Home Office are about to publish a new strategy about human trafficking into the UK and I, along with the charities and organisations involved, am waiting to see what this will set out and how close to the EU expectations it will go.

Sam Coates writes in The Times today that Britain's relationship with the European Court of Human Justice could dominate politics for the next two years. While we remain signed up to the European Convention on Human Rights we have to abide by the rulings of the Court. However, it seems the Government will now explore whether a different authority, such as the Supreme Court, could interpret this convention differently. Just like the trafficking directive, this suggests a Government looking for a way to deliver the absolute minimum when it comes to looking after the rights of some of the most vulnerable people, and perhaps some of the most misunderstood, women living in the UK. I'm really not at all comfortable with the way this could be heading.

Children for sale in China and Teeside, UK.

2011-02-10T20:47:00.001Z

Yesterday, I watched as my eleven-year-old daughter took part in a flurry text messaging and a succession of phone calls. Her vocabulary and tone of voice made me feel concerned that something terrible had happened. When my daughter finally finished her conversations, she told me one of her friends had gone missing. The girl was supposed to be with other friends in the local park and hadn't turned up there or at home. She'd been missing all of half an hour and, thankfully, appeared at home a few minutes later. It never crossed my mind that anything sinister could have happened to her.

Thousands of parents across the world have every reason to fear something horrific has happened if their child disappears. In China, at least 60 000 children a year are stolen from the city streets and sold to childless couples or criminal gangs in the country. Of course, like any criminal activity, estimations are conservative. It could be that as many as 200 000 Chinese children are bought and sold across China every year. Human trafficking is the act of taking a man, woman or child against their will through coercion or kidnap and exploited them into prostitution, domestic servitude, forced labour or criminal activity. Some victims are trafficked across international boundaries but internal or domestic trafficking also happens from city to city within one country. UNICEF estimate that human trafficking generates between ten and twelve billion dollars a year, a profit second only to the buying and selling of drugs.

I recently interviewed an amazing woman about her terrifying experiences being trafficked into prostitution across Europe. Her inspirational story forms part of a report about trafficking women I've just finished writing for a monthly magazine. I'll blog more about this when it's published. I have lots to say about the inhumane crime of buying and selling a woman and forcing her into prostitution or modern day slavery.

I can't think of anything more terrifying than the realisation that it's your precious little boy or girl who has been taken and sold. Imagine being swallowed up in a panic, knowing that your child could be now anywhere in a huge country or may even be trafficked abroad. How on earth would you set about trying to find them? This was such a concern for the Chinese academic, Yu Jianrong, that he set up a microblog on Sina, the Chinese Version of Twitter to help parents find their missing children. Yu encourages people to upload photos of children they believe have been trafficked onto his site. Celebrities have helped the campaign by 'retweeting' Yu's messages and photos to help them reach a wider audience. The site was set up just fifteen days ago and six children have already been rescued from their captors and reunited with their parents. One child had been missing for three years. You can read the story reported in today's UK papers here.

Due to the clandestine and underground nature

of the trafficking, exact numbers are impossible. UNICEF estimate that every minute, somewhere in the world, two children are being trafficked into sexual exploitation. Many more will be trafficked into slave labour, armies and street begging. While living a comfortable, Western life, human trafficking can seem to be something that happens only to vulnerable people in developing countries. Something to be shocked about, upset about, maybe to campaign about, but something a long way away.

The Gazette, a local paper for the Teeside area, England, today published this disturbing piece about children being trafficked from city to city within the UK. The children's charity, Barnados, have 22 centres to support children who have been sexually exploited on the streets across the UK. In 2009/2010, they found that 90 of the children they supported had been trafficked from one city in the UK to another. This number only reflects those children Barnados were able to reach. They only have projects in 22 of the 144 local authorities in the UK. Many more children are moved from region to region and sexually exploited for many months, or even years, without anyone knowing and with no hope of escape or rescue. Nine of the children known to Barnados were helped by their children's centre in Middlesborough. A typical situation is a man posing as a boyfriend or someone who grooms the child with lavish and expensive present. The men then persuade the children to come to a 'party' in another city, only the party turns out to be a nightmare. One young girl was taken from Teeside to Leeds where she was forced to have sex with twelve men before being returned home.

Trafficking isn't just something that could happen to the children of a mother in the slums of China or India. It could be happening to my girls or to their friends. UNICEF believe that the best way to try and beat the traffickers is be spreading awareness. Trafficking on a global scale is something we should be all be campaigning about. Stop the Traffik and ECPAT have plenty to be joining in with. Trafficking is something we should be aware of in our own lives too. Tomorrow could be the day we save a child from a horrific ordeal. Barnados give the following advice on how to recognise a child who is in danger of being trafficked or groomed for sexual exploitation. If you have any concerns about your own child or any other you should call your local police. If anyone is in immediate danger, call 999 or the emergency number for the country you are in.

Warning signs to look for

WHEN a child is sexually exploited Barnardo’s say they won’t always know or understand what is happening.

Signs can often be misunderstood as normal teenage behaviour but coupled together could be covering up something more sinister.

Often a victim could be given a reward, such as a new phone or money, reinforcing their belief that the exploitation was actually done out of love.

What you can look out for:

:: Is the young person regularly disappearing over night to parties?

:: Does the person suffer from growing low self-esteem?

:: Is the young person spending a lot of time with a much older boyfriend?

:: Do they own new clothes, mobiles or have cash they have no means to buy themselves?

:: Are they secretive with phones or details of where they spend time?

:: Has their behaviour changed from outgoing to withdrawn?

:: Is their a lot of activity at one address near where you live? Are there teenage girls or boys regularly visiting a property without a family or friends there?

A place of refuge?

2011-02-09T17:34:00.000Z

What do you think are the basic rights every human deserves? One of the key ones for me is safety. Yet millions of women all over the world right now are feeling anything but safe. Some women live in fear of being beaten by their husband. Other women are living every minute of their lives worrying if it will be their last because a family member has threatened to kill simply because they fell in love withthe wrong man. Thousands of young girls are right now terrified of the men traffickers and pimpswill be forcing them to have sex with tonight. Charities and organisations strive to help by offering safe houses and refuges.

Last year, I had the privilege of spending time in a refuge run by Eaves 4 Women in London. The manager explained to me how women arrive, often with their children, with only the possessions they can carry with them. They spend the first few months in a state of emotional shock while the wonderful staff help them get back on their feet with new hous

ing and schools, financial and legal assistance and arranging counselling and play therapy for the children. I joined the children in an art session. The refuge was full of life and colour and, at the time I visited, had a very optimistic and positive air about it.

Everyone has a right to find safety during a time when they are in danger. I was very sad and angry to read this feature in The Times today

about how the government plans to take control of women's refuges in Afghanistan. There are fourteen shelters in Afghanistan protecting women who have escaped threats of murder and forced marriage. Driven by legislation pandering to male prejudicial views that the refuges are harbouring prostitutes, the government plans to place its own staff in charge of each safe house and inform police of anyone who uses them. Like the refuge I visited, the exact location of these shelters is currently unknown to ensure the safety of the women from the people and situations they are fleeing. The government plans will put these women in extreme danger. They would have no choice but to remain inside the sanctuaries, turning their havens into a virtual prison.

During my visit to the Eaves refuge I saw how the women support each other through situations that, although different, they can empathise with. I also saw an amazing team of women, working at the organisation, who are dedicated to empowering others for whom life had thrown one challenge too many forcing their self-esteem to plummet to the floor. We can't all work for organisations like Eaves and, sometimes, it seems there is so little we can do as individuals to help women like those in Afghanistan. Surely any action we could possibly do will be so small and insignificant it would pass unnoticed. I was really inspired by this piece in Time Magazine this week. The author, Nancy Gibbs talks about the importance of educating women in the fight against poverty. This is something I'll be picking up in a future blog entry but, for now, I want to introduce a fantastic initiative Nancy mentions in her piece. Girl Up aims to mobilise 100 000 girls across the USA to raise awareness of poverty, sexual violence and child marriage. The campaign is inciting a revolution among the teenagers of America that begins with just a text, a tweet or a Facebook status and grows into Girl Up rallies in a sports hall where the girls learn how it physically feels to carry a heavy can of water from a well and make a small donation that, when pooled with those made by their peers, could stock a health clinic in Africa or buy school books for a whole class in Haiti. Wouldn't it be fantastic if a similar revolution could sweep across the while developed world. How fantastic if all of us women could give a small leg up to others who need it with the knowledge that someone else will be there in the chain to give them the next lift they need towards a place of safety where they can finally relax and enjoy life.

What's this all about then?

2011-02-09T14:45:00.000Z

Welcome to Femme 2 Femme. I'm a freelance journalist writing about issues that impact the lives of women all over the world. As such, I spend every day reading about the challenges that women face every day. I hear and read about things that shock and make me feel very angry with the world and I meet inspirational women who have done amazing things, often against huge adversity and often with the aim of helping others. My published work reflects just a fraction of this so I hope to share a lot more through this blog. Each day I will be highlighting some of the day's news and how it impacts women, introducing some of the fantastic charities and organisations supporting women all over the world and bringing you the latest from twitter and other social networks. On Fridays, I'll post a deeper exploration of "The Big Issues," focusing on a different theme each week. I hope this blog will interest you and stimulate you to find out more and perhaps act on what you read by joining campaigns and supporting the charities you learn about. I'd love the blog to be interactive so please do comment on posts you read and suggest issues you'd like me to address. Please share this blog with people. Feel free to tweet it, post it on Facebook and link to it. If you have a story or represent an organisation that you'd like to share on this blog, or in the stories I write for the national press, please get in touch through this blog or my website.